Welcome to the blog for Until Alzheimer's We Do Part. My goal for the Until...Blog is as a tool for keeping family members and friends updated on Mom's journey. My secondary goal is to share my real life experiences of our journey with Mom for caregivers.
Our journey with Mom is a rough ride full of pain and grief,and experiences of living land dieing at the same time. While Mom will either continue to progress further and further until her body surrenders and her life's journey ends, or she will be an Alzheimer's victim until a secondary cause of death occurs. As some very special folks have told me, "It ain't easy.", but "It is what it is."
I also want to record this journey as I already realize so many blessings have resulted from this very painful tragedy. Believe it or not, these blessing often come from her peers. Dementia victims are such precious souls, so needy, and sadly at times the most neglected. I hadn't danced in years until I danced with some of Mom's peers. Perhaps what makes them such precious souls is the fact their souls are all that is left of them. I wish I could show Mom this web site and she could process what it is and who is a part of this tribute to her. But maybe if they have computers in heaven I will be able to show her then!
Brenda Bush:
This time is so paralyzing--I remember it so well it seems like only yesterday. In fact, it almost 2 years to the day that we had Daddy put in Hospice. He passed away on November 25, and was put in on November 19th or so. You are in my prayers...please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you.
Brenda:
Oh how the years seem to come back to haunt us! Didn't mean for that to be a Halloween statement, I was only thinking of Mammaw and how much your mom is like the state she was in many years ago. It's pitiful and I know how hard it is to see your loved one going down w/o you being able to do a thing...but as you said, you have to keep seeing the silver linging. Praying for you, your dad, and Doug. Love you, Brenda
Brenda Bush:
Becky--it seems that the time with our moms is getting more pitiful for each of us. Mom is doing well, I don't mean to say she isn't, but when she tells me she will be 88 and won't be around much longer, it hurts. Your dad can't understand your feelings any more than you can his. Just be patient, love them both the best you can, and quite beating yourself up. You have much to bear right now, but just know we love you!
Annette:
I love the read these stories, and know that you can find humor in this disease. Haven been there to visit your Mom and see the things for my sefl , it even means more to me. And I know when your Mom has one of her good moments it is refreshing. Love her, and all of you.
Brenda:
This is so true, Becky. No matter where we might be, the bus will be there to take us all home one day. Give your mom a hug from Ima Lee's girl! Love you all.
Brenda:
Again, you outdid yourself with your writing skills. Yes, we are both fortunate to have moms who chose wonderful dads for each of us. I remembered mine many times yesterday, and looked at your picture you printed of him last year (which I have put in a memorial frame). I seem to miss my dad more every day, Becky, so although this time is hard with both your mom and dad, it still hurts when you lose them, too. Yes, we wouldn't bring them back, but boy, you sure do remember all those wonderful
Brenda:
Well, Becky, you always seem to bring the tears out in me when I read your updates. I truly hope you get as much comfort from writing as you give to those of us reading your writing. I was comforted that your mom at least knew who "my" mother was the other night even though she didn't call me by name. Take comfort in each small thing....you never know what may bless you in months or years to come. Just ask Ronnie--he has given much tought lately to several things my dad taught him and Ronnie
Annette:
Becky, I cry with you. Of course I have my Moms stuff too. But it was so different, she was gone, body and soul. Your Mom is gone in many ways, but her body is still here. I pray for her and each of you daily. I love her and all of you very much.
Annette:
I went Sunday 5/24 to visit Aunt Christine, Jennifer my daughter wanted to go with me, so went we got there , she was sitting inthe commons. She said she knew me, but I knew she didn't we visited and talked the Uncle Charles came in, and she was so glad to see him. We all visted until she and Charles went to church servies. Becky it was so good to visit your Mom , even if she doesn't know me , she does like to see poeple, and I was glad to se your Dad too.
Delores:
Becky, I think you are a gifted writer. The things you put in the journal, may be what someone needs to hear. No one in this family would ever think your Mom is "crazy".It's a disease just like all other diseases. Skyla is so cute, and I know she is a blessing to you all. Take each day as it comes. Hugs & Prayers, Roy & Delores
Brenda:
Sounds like you handled your mom's request very well Wednesday. You are feeling your way along a very difficult path, but you are doing it oh so well! I know you are discouraged at times and are down often; but that is just our time of life unfortunately....I creid w/o reason yesterday over Daddy--it just hits you sometimes. Love you, Brenda
Annette:
Becky: You can & will be the the best GreatAunt, she is beautiful. Your Dad needed this little girl to love at this time, God knows best. My prayers & thoughts are with all of you each day.
Amy:
Becky, You are a gifted writer; I knew that when you gave me the letter you wrote me with a wedding shower gift. You can certainly see the love for Skyla in your dad's eyes, and I know your mom loves her too.
Brenda:
Beautiful pictures and words to match. You can see the love in your dad's eyes and I know your mom loved the visit. Bless Doug and Nickolaus for making the time to share the day with you all. Love you, Brenda
Annette:
Becky, you are very gifted in writing your feelings, in words. I have lost both parents & In-Laws, a very young 21yr brother-in-law, but what you are dealing with your Mom has to be so hard because her physical body is here, but she is not. I love you and are here if you need me or want to talk.
Brenda:
well--again, I guess I was too long-worded--but to continue my thought--the Bush clan is here for you to hug, listen, cry, or just be there beside you any time you need us. Love you Cuz!
Brenda:
Well I am continually amazed at your writing skills--you can really take someone to where you were--even though I've experienced the loss of a beloved pet and the loss of my dad, I cannot imagine the loss of your husband after so many years together....I sympathize, but cannot know the pain you have gone through. The story of the crosses is a new one to me, but very essential in your journey of understanding what, how, why, etc., you are at the point you are at this time. Just remember we (the
Annette:
Becky the poem is beauitful, and I know you where blessed to have known and loved this lady. I think of you often, and I can't start too know what you are going thru, I know it is very hard, but you do what you feel, God will get you through. And know you are always in my prayer, and on the prayer list at church.
Brenda:
The poem you wrote was so beautiful and I know you loved her very much. I think you are doing all you can right now, Becky. Just take one minute at a time....and whatever you decide you can do is ok...remember, it is you who is going through this situation--nothing you choose to do will make a difference in how your mom perceives you now. She loved you in her lifetime more than anything, but now she isn't that same person and can't control her actions. It's hard, but take it a bit at atime.
Brenda:
ok--don't know why it cut me off--maybe too long--anyway we continue to pray for you and your dad during this difficult time. I hope your mom's condition becomes calmer and less agressive toward you both. Love you all.
Brenda:
When I visited Christine this week with Becky, it was another heartbreaking time...not so much for me, but for Becky. I cannot tell you how much it hurts her to see her mom turn so drastically different when she is talking to her than when she talked to me. She still did not recognize me but was as gracious as always when I talked with her. I know an alzeheimer patient turns on the ones they love the most, but to see it affect Becky so much was hard. Just know that we all continue to pray fo
Delores:
When Saundra and I visited on a Sunday about two weeks ago, Becky began singing and Christine did too. So the four of us had a little sing-along. Becky, you have really outdone yourself! This blog is a wonderful way to know how your Mom is doing. I will read everything to Roy and Saundra. God bless you and your Dad. From your e-mail I think He has given you what I call "God's Little Extra's.
Brenda:
I was surprised when Becky began singing with Christine during my visit. She immediately began singing with her and walked down to her room without further discussion and resistance. Now I'm not a singer, so not sure if I'll try the singing, but then who cares if I can carry a tune or sing in the right pitch....if it blesses my aunt, I may just try it! Love you, Brenda
Brenda:
Glad to see you are checking the site--you are so good--I told mom about it and will print it off for her to see. She will love the things you have done for your mom and in memory of others.
Annette:
You have done a great job with this. I hope Christine is having good days.
Janice:
Hi Becky,You have done a wonderful job on the webiste in honor of your mom! How proud she would be! I have been thinking about you and your dad. I hope Christine had a good day today.Love,Janice
Brenda:
Hi Becky--great blog site; you are amazing. Hope your mom is good today.
Becky:
Mom fell again today. She has a little cut below her lip and some bruising. She is doing okay
It was a week ago today that we said our final earthly good-byes to Mom. I've experienced a lot of different emotions, but the one I didn't necessarily expect was that of being mad. I know, the grieving process does include being upset with the one who left you. I couldn't be upset with Mom for leaving as I prayed the Lord would take her on. But, I am mad at Alzheimer's.
A couple of weeks before Mom passed away, the mother of a friend of mine passed away. Yes, she fought the Alzheimer's battles and lost the war as well. I found out today that another friend's mother passed away about the same time as Mom. And, again the ugly head of Alzheimer's raised its head.
I know we all have to die sometime, and Mom's death isn't my issue. I am more concerned with how she had to live her final days. First she knew she had the disease and then she slowly slipping away into its clutches. Finally, she completely and totally left her body. She simply wasn't there when she took her last breath and her body stopped functioning and she was pronounced as having died.
It is a cruel disease and Mom's family has had more than its share. My maternal grandmother was a victim of Alzheimer's and 3 out of 8 of her children were officially diagnosed with it. Mom had other siblings who died at younger ages, so who knows if any more of them would have suffered from such a fate.
Mom, I miss you and love you. I am so sorry your greatest fears of death and dying came true. I know you knew we did the best we could for you, Alzheimer's just had other ideas.
Mom would have been so proud of her send off. Although I have never been one to appreciate how a deceased person looks in their casket, I now understand how s/he looks brings comfort to the family. I knew my mother was not in the body that housed her soul for 80 years, but there was a sense of reassurance to be able to see her beautiful face at peace once again.
The flowers were beautiful and many people made generous donations to the church's Breaking Free project or to the Alzheimer's Association.
The service brought us, the family, such a lovely, meaningful, and true celebration of Mom's life and her daily walk with God. The rendition of Beulah Land, Mom's favorite hymn, was sang in such a way as to produce one's hair to stand up. The reading of the scriptures and the lovely words spoken about Mom were so comforting.
However, this service was unique in at least one way as my Dad preached Mom's funeral. Even though he had to work through his own grief, he ministered to his family and friends in our time of need. And, beyond the fact that he preached the sermon, as Mom would say, "He did good".
Well, the service is over and the earth has received the body of my Mom. She would have been so proud as of the way my Daddy took care of her needs from the time she began her Alzheimer's journey until the very end. There is no doubt he loved his Precious more than life itself.
Thanks to all who came to share in the celebration of Mom's life, sent flowers, made donations, prepared foods for the family, and all other expressions of love. I have found that true love is a powerful thing and is not limited as to how and when it can be shared.
May my mother rest in peace. And, may the words of the song Jesus Love Me forever be in my heart as the song that bridged a connection between my mom and I, even on her death bed.
Check back now and again as I don't think this story is completely told yet.
EARL, CHRISTINE MARION (BORUFF) - was born on July 28, 1929, which also was the month and day of her father's birthday, and received one of her dad's name, the name of Marion. Mrs. Earl gave up her brave and courageous fight against that horrific demon called Alzheimer's in the early morning hours on Thursday, November 19, 2009. Mrs. Earl was a member of Beaver Dam Baptist Church in Knoxville, where her husband served as associate pastor, and where she was affectionately and appropriately known as "Precious" by her church family. Preceding Mrs. Earl in death are her parents, Mr. and Mrs. James Marion and Lucy Boruff; five sisters, Edith Boruff, Ruth Russell, Beatrice Johnson, Faye Collette, and Opal Dickerson. Mrs. Earl is survived by her husband, Rev. Dr. Charles D. Earl, Sr.; daughter, Rebecca Diane Earl Wester; son, Charles Douglas, Jr.; two fantastic grandsons, Charles D. Earl III and Nicholas Alexander; granddaughter-in-law, Nikki; one great granddaughter, Skyla; one sister, Ima Lee Stapleton; and one brother, James Edward Boruff. Charles and Christine met at church on an early April day in 1949, and were married on December 24, 1949. God was gracious and blessed Charles and Christine with 59 years, 11 months, and 19 days of happy marriage. After Charles accepted the call to preach at age 25, Mrs. Earl worked and provided the necessary financial funds for her husband to resume and complete his theological education. After the children went away to college, Mrs. Earl accompanied her husband as he made his home and hospital calls as a pastor. She was also by his side as he conducted special Bible and stewardship studies, capital fund programs, evangelistic meetings, seminars in the various cults and the occult for the Home Mission Board, and attended Southern Baptist Conventions all over the country. Dr. and Mrs. Earl also traveled over much of the world together serving as short-term missionaries. Mrs. Earl was always alongside her preacher husband as he served as pastor of six Southern Baptist churches and as director of missions at Holston Valley Baptist Association. If you are looking in the dictionary for the definition of "a perfect pastor's wife," you will find a picture of "Precious." She was truly a perfect model for a pastor's wife, and a role model for other pastors' wives. Dr. Earl and the family would like to express thanks and appreciation to the administration and caregivers at Windsor Gardens Assisted Living, Arbor Terrace Wintergreen Program, and Brakebill Nursing Home and Rehabilitation Center for the loving care during the later days of her journey with Alzheimer's Disease. We also give a word of special thanks to Dr. and Mrs. Earl's long-time friend and family physician, Dr. Fred A. Hurst, for his constant and caring attention to Mrs. Earl's medical needs. The family will receive friends at Beaver Dam Baptist Church on Sunday, November 22, 2009 from 3:30 to 6:30 pm after which a worship service will be conducted by her husband and Dr. Alan Price. Deacons, active and inactive of Beaver Dam Baptist Church will serve as pallbearers. Family and friends will meet at the funeral home 9:00 am Monday and will proceed to Roseberry Baptist Church Cemetery, Mascot, TN for an interment service at 10:00 am to be conducted by Dr. Alan Price. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to be given to either the Beaver Dam Baptist Church " Breaking Free'' campaign or the American Alzheimer's Association . Mynatt Funeral Home Halls Chapel in charge of arrangements. www.mynattfh.com
Published in Knoxville News Sentinel on November 20, 2009
One of Mom's mantra the past many months was "I want to go home." This morning about 1:00 a.m. she got her wish an is now home, home with her loving heavenly Father.
Her passing was quite and without fanfair. She left this earth as the final trip on her long and exhausting Alzheimer's jouney. But, I just know that once she got to heaven's gates it was a scene to behold. Finally, she can be whole for eternity. She, no doubt is rejoicing to be with her Poppy, Mommy, and sisters. And oh the many friends that she must be visiting with.
Daddy, Doug, and I miss her so much already. Life without her will be strange. But, we are so thankful we had a life with her. That is one blessing we will cherish for as long as the good Lord above gives us to live. And when we go, we will see our beloved wife and mother once again.
Will share more about Mom and our celeration of her life soon.
In some ways the years and months have flown by, in other ways it seems like only yesterday that Mom's Alzheimer's journey began. While we can't pin point an exact date as to when she began to leave us, it has been a while. Now we face the beginning of the end.
The paper work is complete and the doctors concur, it is now time for Mom to become a Hospice patient. Those words are difficult to say while being somewhat a relief. Mom hasn't even been her Alzheimer's afflicted self since she fell about a month ago. She is now virtually unresponsive, doesn't know anyone, hasn't eaten at all in at least two days, and has lost so much weight she doesn't even look like herself. She never wanted to be in this condition, we never wanted to see her in this condition, so it is the time to move on with life as we look at her pending passing in the face.
Mom will be transferred to a hospice bed as soon as one is available. Your prayers, as always, are greatly appreciated.
It seems "good" days for Mom are now fewer and fewer. For the most part she isn't eating or drinking. From time to time Daddy is successful in getting her to take a bite or two of ice cream and maybe a sip of milk. She sleeps most of the time, seldom opening her eyes. She hasn't spoken for the past couple of days, more or less grunting attempts to communicate.
Daddy and I shared special moments with her today as we observed what we think is Mom slipping from this life into the next. We are certainly not qualified to make such a prognosis, but we simply seemed to feel a change in how she looked and how her body seemed to be readying itself for that beautiful final journey. While none of us know how much longer Mom has with us, it is obvious that we must begin preparing for her departure.
Please continue to remember us in your prayers. Lift Mom up to the Lord for His loving arms to embrace her and take care of her for eternity, once He calls her home.
Mom continues to reside at Brakebill Nursing Home. We took her back for another brain scan and an appointment with her neurologist. This all resulted in a report from the doctor that the bruises on her brain were almost gone. However, the doctor stated that it might take as long as 8 to 9 months for Mom to improve, if at all, from the damage caused by the fall.
So, we are laying Mom's future at the feet of the Lord. Although it hurts so badly to see her in such a condition, we are guaranteed He will be with us each step of the way...what ever that may look like.
Thank you for your continued prayers and expressions of concern. The doctor ordered more physical therapy for Mom, so she will continue to reside at Brakebill for at least a few more weeks.
The long and horrifying journey is taking us to so many forks in the road we had not anticipated.We are now at the point in the journey that decisions impacting my mom’s life or her death have to be made.And, it isn’t as easy and clear cut as one might think.
She has good days and bad days.She will eat fairly well one day and not eat at all the next.Her ability to walk on her own is gone, even with the aid of a walker.Even sitting in a wheel chair presents a problem as at she seems to be try to stand up out of the wheelchair, increasing the possibility of her falling out of the chair.Furthermore, she is progressively developing an inability to hold her head up under her own strength, presenting different concerns for us.What to do? What not to do?When to do it?
Due to circumstances beyond our control, Mom will remain at Brakebill Nursing Home until the time comes that it is determined she has rehabbed and can return to Arbor Terrace or she is determined to be unable to rehabilitate.She goes back for another brain scan the last of next week.The scan and other pieces to the puzzle (i.e. physical therapists report, dietary issues) will then determine mom’s fate.Unfortunately, we have very little hope that the last puzzle pieces will be for long term nursing home care.That just seems to be the way the things are developing.
I will go see Mom later today and I dread it terribly.She will be in a geriatric chair, thus eliminating the threat of her falling out of her wheel chair.The geriatric chair, if you have never seen one, makes you think she is on a bed you can roll around.Actually, it conforms to her body and renders her in a sitting position.The chairs are big, awkward, and tend to jeopardize the last bit of dignity of its occupant.
My first encounter with the geriatric chair was with my former mother-in-law.She was the victim of Parkinson ’s disease and was in residential care approximately 4 years prior to her passing.She was a lady I loved and respected.About two weeks before her death I went to see her.When I walked in and saw her in the dining room in the geriatric chair, my heart sank and went out to her at the same time.However, during my visit I was able to feed her a meal and that strangely gave me a sense of peace, and I hope it did her as well.
Mom’s dietary issues, which includes refusing to eat and problems swallowing, presents us with other challenges.These challenges may very well evolve into the most life changing events of all our lives.Please pray God’s will be done .
We are still waiting for the paper work to be completed, crossing all t's and dotting all i's, before Mom is transferred to Holston Nursing Home. It is too far into the journey to make an error now.
Mom is about the same. One day she looks a little stronger and will eat fairly well (for her), then the next day she can look so fragile and will eat very, very little. She knows us one day, and doesn't the next. I think my Cousin Brenda has it right, she is more like our mammaw (Mom's mother) as each day passes. Mammaw, as is noted else where in the web site, was a victim of Alzheimer's as well. However, her journey was in the late 1960's when there were little to no resources available to the patient or the family. Even though there still isn't a cure for the disease, the resources we have accessed have been God sends. What a difference a few decades has made.
Mom used to love this time of the year, the beautiful foliage and crispness of the air. She also loved it because of football. Now, she doesn't like football, but my brother and Daddy does. Football time in Tennessee meant, hold the doors cause we are going shopping. In her later years she and I would go Goodwill shopping, hopping from one store to the next. Because she wore the smaller sizes, she could find "name brand" clothes for next to nothing. Ah, the trill of a bargain!
Last fall Mom's Alzheimer's journey had begun in earnest and we knew it wouldn't be too long before her care would require more than could be provided at home. But, true to her spirit, she had to come by and "help" me with my garage sale. Of course she was actually no help at all, except for the fact that she offered a few people a great deal. Yep, before I realized it Mom had told some customers that they could have everything for $3.00! Needless to say, her interaction with the garage sale patrons was more closely monitored.
It is nice to write about Mom when she was at home and living a fairly normal life. How often I have heard my Daddy say how he wished he could see her again, like he remembers her. It is so very sad to see your loved one become an individual you never knew, but at the same time you know it is still him/her.
It is also becoming more and more difficult to know what to write in this blog, other than reflections on the past and sad, but true, updates of Mom's nonexistence. There seems to be few to no cute little stories about Mom, or others for which their care is in the hands of others. It is day to day, hour to hour that we take with Mom these days. It is a horrific existence and almost unbearable to watch.
Due to several reasons, location and traffic being the two major reasons, Mom will be moved from Brakebill Nursing Home sometime next week. She will then be living at Holston Nursing Home. Brabebill staff have been great to Mom and us, but we feel Holston will be a better location for us at this time. We believe she will receive the same quality of care she has had since she had to move into a residential facility.
After being on this journey with Mom for a while I thought it couldn't get any harder. We have learned a lot and have been through a lot. We have watched our wife and mother as she slipped away from us, never to return. At this point we are not even sure she recognizes us, even when she utters our name. There are no visitors in her world. The journey has gotten more difficult in that the challenges of keeping her comfortable and maintaining her dignity are different and have no other purpose but to maintain until she goes home to Jesus.
The power of your prayers are felt by us daily. We cherish those prayer.
EARL, CHRISTINE MARION (BORUFF) - was born on July 28, 1929, which also was the month and day of her father's birthday, and received one of her dad's name, the name of Marion. Mrs. Earl gave up her brave and courageous fight against that horrific demon called Alzheimer's in the early morning hours on Thursday, November 19, 2009. Mrs. Earl was a member of Beaver Dam Baptist Church in Knoxville, where her husband served as associate pastor, and where she was affectionately and appropriately known as "Precious" by her church family. Preceding Mrs. Earl in death are her parents, Mr. and Mrs. James Marion and Lucy Boruff; five sisters, Edith Boruff, Ruth Russell, Beatrice Johnson, Faye Collette, and Opal Dickerson. Mrs. Earl is survived by her husband, Rev. Dr. Charles D. Earl, Sr.; daughter, Rebecca Diane Earl Wester; son, Charles Douglas, Jr.; two fantastic grandsons, Charles D. Earl III and Nicholas Alexander; granddaughter-in-law, Nikki; one great granddaughter, Skyla; one sister, Ima Lee Stapleton; and one brother, James Edward Boruff. Charles and Christine met at church on an early April day in 1949, and were married on December 24, 1949. God was gracious and blessed Charles and Christine with 59 years, 11 months, and 19 days of happy marriage. After Charles accepted the call to preach at age 25, Mrs. Earl worked and provided the necessary financial funds for her husband to resume and complete his theological education. After the children went away to college, Mrs. Earl accompanied her husband as he made his home and hospital calls as a pastor. She was also by his side as he conducted special Bible and stewardship studies, capital fund programs, evangelistic meetings, seminars in the various cults and the occult for the Home Mission Board, and attended Southern Baptist Conventions all over the country. Dr. and Mrs. Earl also traveled over much of the world together serving as short-term missionaries. Mrs. Earl was always alongside her preacher husband as he served as pastor of six Southern Baptist churches and as director of missions at Holston Valley Baptist Association. If you are looking in the dictionary for the definition of "a perfect pastor's wife," you will find a picture of "Precious." She was truly a perfect model for a pastor's wife, and a role model for other pastors' wives. Dr. Earl and the family would like to express thanks and appreciation to the administration and caregivers at Windsor Gardens Assisted Living, Arbor Terrace Wintergreen Program, and Brakebill Nursing Home and Rehabilitation Center for the loving care during the later days of her journey with Alzheimer's Disease. We also give a word of special thanks to Dr. and Mrs. Earl's long-time friend and family physician, Dr. Fred A. Hurst, for his constant and caring attention to Mrs. Earl's medical needs. The family will receive friends at Beaver Dam Baptist Church on Sunday, November 22, 2009 from 3:30 to 6:30 pm after which a worship service will be conducted by her husband and Dr. Alan Price. Deacons, active and inactive of Beaver Dam Baptist Church will serve as pallbearers. Family and friends will meet at the funeral home 9:00 am Monday and will proceed to Roseberry Baptist Church Cemetery, Mascot, TN for an interment service at 10:00 am to be conducted by Dr. Alan Price. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to be given to either the Beaver Dam Baptist Church " Breaking Free'' campaign or the American Alzheimer's Association . Mynatt Funeral Home Halls Chapel in charge of arrangements. www.mynattfh.com
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